The Dog Who Saved Halloween
Starring: Gary Valentine, Dean Cain, Elisa Donovan
Writers: Jeffrey Schenck, Peter Sullivan, Michael Ciminera, Richard Gnolfo
Director: Peter Sullivan
What the hell did I just watch and why the hell did I watch it? Answer to the latter question is simple; It's a family oriented Halloween film, I have a 3 ½ year old daughter and it stars Lance Henriksen. 10 minutes in, my daughter was more bored than me, so I should have known the remaining 80 minutes were going to be painful as shit. I may be a dick for drinkin' the Haterade on a movie as innocent as The Dog Who Saved Halloween, but I don't care... it's a fucking mess.
I guess it serves as a sequel to a couple of Dog Who Saved Christmas movies, but I dare say it matters whether you see those films before enduring this, as it's easy to follow. There's a review on Amazon where the writer says if you haven't seen the first two films you won't be able to appreciate this, but I gotta call bullshit... nothing could make this film any better. Anyway, the Bannister family and their dog Zeus (voiced by Joey Lawrence, whoa!) have moved into a new neighborhood, right next door a spooky ass dude played by the great Lance Henriksen (Aliens, Terminator, Pumpkinhead). Said spooky ass dude also has a spooky ass dog named Medusa (voiced by Mayim Bialik... Blossom reunion!). Well, George Bannister --the Dad-- is a nosy sum' bitch, as he becomes quite interested in the strange things going on behind his neighbor's door. Another neighbor's cat turns up missing, Gary befriends a couple of ex-cons and talks them into breaking into Henriksen's house, the Bannister family throw a lame Halloween party, Zeus the dog talks about Facebook and uses “witty” acronyms such as TMI.... so on and so forth. Yikes.
The thing is, Henriksen's character... sorry, his name is Eli... anyway, he's not really that spooky of a dude. He just keeps to himself. Unfortunately, George Bannister (played by Kevin James' older brother) does not. I don't want to get into anymore specifics regarding the plot, in case anybody out there feels like punishing themselves or their entire family by watching this, so I'll leave it at that.
I hate when movies have nighttime sequences that are lit up just as bright as the daytime shots. What the hell was the cinematographer doing? That erases any slim chance the movie has at producing atmosphere. I know it's a simple family flick, but c'mon, it revolves around Halloween... you gotta attempt creepiness on some level. You aint gonna find anything witty here; it's a kid's movie truly, and by that I mean it seems like it was written and directed by preschoolers. Actually, no, it's worse, because my daughter has taken better pictures on a DSI than any shot in this entire film.
It makes me sad that someone like Lance Henriksen has to subject himself to movies on SyFy and even worse, films like this. I dunno, maybe he did this because he has grandkids or something, but if they are like my daughter they will be busting out a coloring book about a half hour in. Anyway, he doesn't belong here. His part is somewhat limited, but it's really the only performance that can be defined as “acting”. Gary Valentine as George Bannister, horrible. I can't believe this crap is supposed to be funny. Dean Cain and Joey Diaz play the two ex-cons, who are I guess recurring characters from the two previous films. Annoying as hell. Cain doesn't come off too well as a criminal and Diaz's character has fake farts that are more enjoyable than his dialog. Curtis Armstrong (Booger from Revenge of the Nerds) also has a minor role as a neighbor. It's cool to see him, but whatever. Kristin Miller plays the neighbor whose cat turns up missing, and she shows some cleavage. Am I bad for calling out tit shots in a film like this? Hell no. Don't blame me, blame the film makers. Joey and Blossom as the dog voices... again, whatever.
Special FX, hah. There's fake dog poop that looks like grease paint when it's smeared across someone's face. Awesome. Also, they have fake dog paws for whenever Zeus is turning on a light switch or playing an organ. Amazing. I guess there's some cool Halloween props here and there. Most people that check this movie out aren't gonna be looking for special effects, so I'm wasting my time here.
I'm sorry. The Dog Who Saved Halloween blows. I can recommend it to parents if they can't get their child go to bed on time or if they aren't doing their homework. Like, “Hey, if you don't go to sleep I'm gonna make you watch The Dog Who Saved Halloween again,” otherwise, passsssss.
Oh, the animals are cute. But if Zeus knew how bad some of the dialog written for him was, he may have pulled a Cujo on the writers.
