Ernest Scared Stupid
Starring: Jim Varney, Eartha Kitt, Austin Nagler
Writers: John R. Cherry III, Coke Sams & Charles Gale
Director: John R. Cherry III
Synopsis
A long time ago, in Briarville, Missouri. Trantor the troll is taking kids and turning them into sculptured Lincoln Logs of their former self, in order to gain enough power to rule the world. He needs five kids before this shit can work and luckily, booger lips' plan is thwarted just in time. Phineas Worrell has the troll buried under a tree, but not before it vows a vengeful return. In addition, it places a curse upon Worrell's future ancestors... a curse of the stupids.
Flash Forward.
Ernest P. Worrell is a garbageman on the verge of losing his job, unless he gets his ass over to old lady Hackmore's to clean her land up. The old lady happens to be a relative of the last few children that were turned into action figure kindling, courtesy of Trantor the troll. Later, Ernest helps a few of the neighborhood kids build a tree fort after their haunted house was sabotaged by a couple of asshole classmates. The tree that's chosen ends up being where Trantor is buried. Oh Noes!
Rant
Ernest Scared Stupid is last good P. Worrell movie, as far as I'm concerned. I go back and forth with deciding whether I like it more than Saves Christmas or not, but it owns Goes to Jail. Where Goes to Camp didn't just rely off of its central character, Scared Stupid is all Ernest, as far as humans go --Trantor the troll and Rimshot the dog rule. The townsfolk are incredibly lame, even the kids. Especially the kids, actually.
It's kinda surprising, but there's actually really good camera direction work in this flick! For starters, there's some terrific closeups on Ernest, while displaying his patented, quirky expressions. A great example is when he shows up to the sheriff's house ranting about seeing a troll, all in frantic mode. The scene of Ernest running through town with a megaphone has some cool editing to it, and the Trantor with knife Vs. Ernest with hedge clippers in the back of a truck being driven by Rimshot the dog is amazing. I was particularly blown the shit away to see a low angled camera sequence facing Ernest while he's running through a hall to the town Halloween dance. It looks slick! Then of course, he runs into the entrance door. Lastly, it elated me to see a POV bicycling shot in the setting of a grocery store during a dairy raid for the film's finale. I love POV, especially from behind the handlebars of a fucking bicycle. Epic.
Acting is definitely not a strong point in Scared Stupid, but the late Jim Varney rocked the shit. Spewing out an uncountable amount of genuinely funny one-liners, portraying multiple personalities with excellence, giving some emotion to it, and battling it the fuck out with trolls; Varney kills it. He's almost working alone, too. Barkley, who played Ernest's dog, Rimshot, gives a better performance than the main kid. Jeesh, Austin Nagler as Kenny --the only kid that really believes in Ernest-- grates on the fucking nerves. Actually, Eartha Kitt is pretty awesome as Hackmore, a superstitious old lady who is related to some of Trantor's past victims. I'll give Ernst Fosselius some props for not holding back on the whole “Sound evil as shit” aspect of when it came to voicing Trantor the Troll. It's fairly intense for an Ernest flick. Everyone else is just whatevs, really --i.e. the sheriff, his wife, the kids, the Tulip bros... eh.
****Mild Spoilers****
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Gotta say the creature FX in this flick are surprisingly awesome. The troll head masks looks great, especially Trantor with the vast amounts of snot just chillin' below his nostrils. We also get some slimey mini-pods that hang off the oak tree that Trantor was buried under. The finale is bonkers; a battle between trolls and townsfolk dressed in awful Halloween costumes. Tons of squirt guns filled with milk resulting in an ooey gooey mess of leftover troll. The visual FX scenes that help turn children into wooden dolls are fairly neat, too. And, not so much for FX but just completely cool: a spitting bullet troll when smacked in the back of the head and a troll death by way of throwing powdered milk into a oscillating fan... pretty creative!
****Safe to Read****
The theme music that plays for the title credits --which is a total nod to classic horror-- and end credits is freaking awesome. I don't remember anything standing out during the film, but the main theme is definitely fun.
Random:
1) This kid is supposed to be a bully? I'd be damned if I let this little fucker tear down my haunted house!
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2) Ernest decorates his garbage truck. More proof that he owns.
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3) Hammer licking. Necessary when building an epic treehouse.
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4) Ernest P. Worrell. O.G. Trollhunter
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5) Yeah
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6) Rimshot rules.
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7) A Troll 2 Goblin ancestor?!?!?!?!?
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Ernest Scared Stupid is just a fun as shit film. Being honest, I've watched it like five times in the last two weeks. If that declares me insane, then so be it. I find something new to laugh at every time, and that's what it's all about when it comes to something like this. You are missed, Mr. Varney.
