Once Bitten
Starring: Jim Carrey, Lauren Hutton, Karen Kopkins
Writers: Dimitri Villard, David Hines, Jeffrey Hause, Jonathan Roberts
Director: Howard Storm
Synopsis:
Mark Kendall is an 18 year old high school virgin desperately trying to get in the pants of Robin Pierce, the love of his life. She wants to get it on too, but doesn't want their first time to be some lame fling, so she keeps dissin' his ass. One night, Mark and his two friends, Jamie and Russ, drive out to Hollywood in his ice cream truck in an attempt to get laid. They all end up at some singles bar, where Mark hooks up with a mysterious lady only known as Countess. Some dude pulls a gun out on Jamie in a fit of jealousy, cops show up, and Mark gets whisked away in a limo with the Countess to her mansion. There, she bites the buttons off his shirt and then proceeds to his thigh. Next thing you know, Mark wakes up to Sebastian --the butler/chauffeur-- handing him a glass of orange juice and the Countess sending him on his way... but not before trying to set up another date. Robin finds out about her boyfriend's drunken night out on the town and gets pissed. Mark starts sleeping late, taking naps in a bedroom trunk, having weird dreams, dressing in all black, slicking his hair back, getting pale, etc... Yeah, Countess is a 400 year old vampire who needs to drink the blood of a virgin 3 times before Halloween night, which is one week away.
Rant:
Back in the 80's I ran this movie into the damn ground, watching every time I noticed it was coming on HBO. I loved the hell out of it. I bought the DVD off of Amazon probably around five years ago, and never even pulled the wrapping off the case until today. Needless to say, I still knew it like the back of my hand. Does it still hold up? Hell yes, to me it does. Oh so very 80s. It's not amazing by any stretch, but it's a fun time waster. Afterward, I went online to do some reading up on the film, and came across this website, which contains some information from the writer of the original screenplay, and apparently the poor dude went through some real bullshit and got pretty fucked over. On top of that, Jim Carrey was going through a lot of harsh times during the filming of it, as well. As sad as it is to find this stuff out, I can't really say my overall feelings of the film have been changed. Once Bitten is still an okay movie by me.
From a visual standpoint, Howard Storm's movie is about as standard as it gets. Most his other work consists of old school TV sitcoms like Mork & Mindy, Full House and Head of the Class, and this movie definitely has a similar feel in terms of camera direction. It's not bad; it looks good enough to be the movie it is. Some of it is above the basics, though. There's a scene early on where Mark and Robin are in his ice cream truck and he's trying to persuade her to have sex. Ultimately, she declines and he steps out of the truck in emo mode; every car around him have people banging away. Butt pushups on the left, legs spread eagle on the right, and Mark looks up into the night sky depressed as shit, while the camera slow zooms out and upward. It's pretty awesome, actually. I do like the cinematography in his dream sequences, too; they even come close to capturing an eeriness. Lastly, the shower scene, where Jamie and Russ are trying to find out if Mark bears the mark of a vampire on his inner thigh. The shit is hilarious, it's shot in a way that skillfully keeps all dude junk off screen... unfortunately. Hah.
This is pre In Living Color and Ace Ventura Jim Carrey, folks, but even if he is somewhat restrained in this role, there is a hint of why he ended up being such a big deal. Particularly, in the Halloween dance scene,with Mark torn between his girlfriend Robin and the thigh biting Countess. And allow me to say that the choreography in this scene is actually pretty damn awesome. Anyway, Carrey is great throughout the film, transitioning from a sexually pent up virgin to someone trying to escape the grips of eternal darkness. Karen Kopins as the girlfriend is pretty on point, too, and even if she wasn't she is damn fun to look at --especially in that aforementioned dance scene. Lauren Hutton as the Countess vampire desperately trying to preserve her beauty is a lot of fun, and the scenes she and Hutton have together are sweet. Lots of funny bits within their battle over Mark's blood and virginity. The show stealers: Cleavon Little as a flamboyant vampire butler and Thomas Ballatore and Skip Lackey as Jamie and Russ. The three of them are really the most humorous aspects of Once Bitten, especially the Jamie and Russ characters.
SFX? Vampire teeth. The aging cosmetics applied to Lauren Hutton look great, and the makeup department do a good job of making Jim Carrey look like a generic Dracula in a dream sequence. Carrey's “I'm not wearing a costume!” appearance at the Halloween dance is fun, as well. Visual FX --such as Mark going transparent in a mirror image and the rapid aging of the Countess-- are definitely dated, but whatever. It's acceptable They probably even looked dated when this film was released.
Random:
****spoilers in pics****
- "You intend to invite four friends?"
- Epic shirt.
- Darth Vader!
- Ted (Stur Charno) from Friday the 13th Part 2!
- Teri (Carey Moore), one of the Wrigley's Spearmint Gum twins from Friday the 13th part IV!
- Joey (Dominick Brascia) from Friday the 13th Part V!
- Old lady push!
- Nun Dude push!
- Hah! That's all.
- Hah! That's all - Part II
WTF?
- It's never mentioned whether or not Russ and Jamie are also virgins, but it's pretty obvious, right? Why didn't the Countess just choose all three the night she met Mark?
- Do the same rules apply to all of the vampires that are under the Countess? I wanna know, dammit?
While I feel this may have worked better as a more literal 80's sex comedy, it still managed to entertain me, despite feeling watered down. There's plenty of good humorous bits, a couple of familiar genre faces, a Phantasm Reggie-esque ice cream truck, a homeless drunkard in a catholic church, Jim Carrey playing leg guitar, dude butts, hot female vampires, a hot girlfriend, funny friends, and more. I dig it!
****spoilers in slides****
