Wizards And Worriers: I Come In Peace (1990)

I Come In Peace (1990)

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben, Betsy Brantley

Writers: Jonathan Tydor, Leonard Maas Jr.

Director: Craig R. Baxley

The Story:

Houston detective Jack Caine's life sucks. His partner was just murdered by a yuppie gang of drug dealers called the White Boys, his Captain is tired of his rule breaking antics, and Diane -his coroner girlfriend- is none too happy with his disappearing acts. All Caine wants to do is fucking bad ass spin kicks, tuck & roll a few times and plug a couple hundred holes into criminals. After the White Boys steal a massive quantity of heroin from law enforcement and set off a bomb to cover their tracks, the FBI get involved. Detective Caine gets forced into working with Agent Smith, a nerdy by the rules guy that drives a fucking station wagon. Meanwhile, there's a new criminal on the block, and his name is Talec. Actually, he's from a whole 'nother planet! This long white haired shit smirking maniac likes to pump his victims full of heroin, then extract endorphins from their brain to use on the addicts back home. To make matters worse, he's a fucking liar! The alien baddie tells every one of his victims “I Come In Peace” just before he kills their ass. What a dick. An otherworldly cop is parading Houston as well, looking for this crazy white haired sumbitch. But ultimately, it's up to Caine, Diane and Agent Smith to stop him. If they don't succeed, Earth will be brutally ass raped by an army of intergalactic hoodlums. Thank your lucky stars that Lundgren is at his best!

The Rant:

This film will always be I Come In Peace to me, no matter that it was supposed to be (and now is) titled Dark Angel. I Come In Peace is what graced my VHS player and Showtime back in the day, and so it shall be. This is my kind of Sci-Fi Action film. Very much like a lower grade Terminator, with more explosions and “shits” and “fucks” in the dialog than a person can count. This puppy came out in theaters a mere 2 weeks after Hardware. If I could time travel, I'd go back to see these films on the big screen, and I'm pretty sure it would be awesome. Sometimes you just need a good over-the-top festival of ass kickery, and if you're in that mood, then look no further than I Come In Peace.

There's tons of great POV camera work here, and it all starts with Lundgren rolling a cue ball into a corner pocket after scaring some answers out of a few no good criminals --one of which being Michael J. Pollard, playing a character named Boner! But when Talec starts pulling out his dirty tricks, it's first-person eye candy galore! He uses a compact disc looking deal --predating Hellraiser 3's lame ass Cenobite-- that ejects from a contraption on his arm, and the camera follows as it zings all over the room, bouncing off of walls and into people's necks. But what I personally love is the skinny snake like thing that also comes from his arm, air slithering into people's chests to pump 'em full of heroin. There's all kinds of great camera angles displaying Talec's enjoyment, as well as emanating the victim's fear, before we go POV riding the snake into their body. This thing VS. Lundgren = EPIC.

The action scenes in I Come In Peace are out of control. I mentioned explosions earlier, because they are so damn plentiful that you just simply can't discuss this movie properly without talking about how much shit gets blown up. The aliens use these heavy duty guns that send automobiles, buildings... whatever, into a ball of fire as soon as the fucking trigger is pulled. It's awesome. Fight choreography is surprisingly on point, and Dolph really looks good performing those spin kicks I mentioned earlier. But really, he doesn't go unscathed here; there's plenty of moments where Detective Caine gets his ass handed to him by Talec. More than once we see Lundgren portraying a human frisbee as the mean E.T. sends him zipping across the screen in comic book fashion, and it doesn't get old.

Dolph is really on it, probably giving his best performance fucking ever. Sure, he ruled in Rocky IV, but it's nice to see him with more than 5 lines of dialog. This also owns his mullet plagued performance of He-Man, as well --though, that is a guilty pleasure. He's not just a bad ass, there's some sensitive muscle man shit going on, too. His character knows how to win over his lady, even when she's pissed at him. I'm sure the Christian Slater Heathers/Pump Up the Volume hair thing he sports definitely helped. Also, I Come In Peace works in the charming buddy film factor when Brian Benben from HBO's Dream On shows up as Agent Smith. Much like he did as Martin Tupper, Benben gives a funny ass performance as Smith, and he and Lundgren gel really well together. Betsy Brantley plays Diane, Detective Caine's main squeeze. She does a good enough job at being an angry girlfriend and looking confused when all the bodies start piling up. Matthis Hues plays Talec, and damn, he sure as hell can say “I Come In Peace” like a mother fucker!

As for graphic violence, there is a healthy handful of chest and forehead puncturing, a bit of the red stuff from cd neck slicing, and the aliens ooze cottage cheese from their wounds. The explosions and action make up for the lack of gory shit. Believe it.

The film score sounds a whole hell of a lot like Spy Hunter, but kinda like the composer was trying to make it not sound like Spy Hunter, but ultimately just said fuck it. Dig. There's also a slew of kick ass hair rock tunes, and XYZ provides a song. My favorite jam is called “Touch Me Tonight”, lol. Check it out!

Although I Come In Peace is a 1990 film, that was when movies still weren't quite sure how to not feel 80s. With that being said, I'm gonna categorize this as an 80s gem. It also has an ever so slight Christmas theme with yuletide music here and there and a few wreaths in the background. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Awesomeness: