Wanna start off by thanking Mr. Frank Browning for all his hard work on these images. Dude is after my heart. I didn't really know exactly what I wanted to do with them once we grabbed the idea, but the end result seems pretty perfect to me. Enjoy this completely awesome kickoff to Yeah! Guns 'n Shit! 80s Action Week!
An abducted president. A DragonNinja clan. Two badass motherfuckers. With names like Blade & Striker, mass amounts of ninjas having their shit handed to them is a given!
"Saw this on the big screen FIVE TIMES opening weekend! Swayze makes me crazy... IN MY PANTS!" - Shawn Savage from The Liberal Dead
After a hundred years of harmony, Count Dracula has returned. Simon Belmont aint havin' that shit!
"Destined to be a cult classic! Gore galore and a terrific performance from Mr. Singer." - Bobby Canipe from Cinema Slasher
Sorry Drac! Simon's back!
"Makes Dar the Beastmaster look like a pussy" - Mitch Reaves from Tales From the Batcave
Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!
"Non-stop action and one of the best bromance sequences ever caught on film!" -Matthew House from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby
A jerky carpenter. A pissed off pet ape. A kidnapped girlfriend. Oh no!
"Move over King Kong, before DK rips your giant fucking head off!" -Freddie Young from Full Moon Reviews
Billy & Jimmy BEAT 'EM UP!
"Fuck that 90s movie that happens a few years from now (How do I know about that? Time travel, bitches). This is where it's at!" -Jesse Gable from Mr. Gable's Reality
Marian, NOOOO! Time to fuck shit up again!
Van Damme and Dudikoff are the ultimate team-up. I weep at the fact that they don't have a role in EVERY movie." -Matthew House from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby
A gun, a dog, and a shit ton of ducks!
"Hands down, the most faithful and beautifully shot video game adaptation ever created" - Bill Brock
In the land of Rendar, Morak has stolen the sacred orb that protects the lands. Thor, Thyra, Merlin, Questor- CHOOSE YOUR BADASS!
"I laughed. I cried. I got out of my seat and cheered! Lundgren will steal your heart. Preston is okay, too." - Frank Browning
It'll knock you right the hell out of your armor!
"A true delight! Plus, it's a helluva lot easier to sit through than it is to beat the fucking game!" - Shawn Savage of The Liberal Dead
Their mission is to make it to the village of Ikari, and to shred as many bitches as necessary along the way.
"Seriously EPIC. Stallone brings the ass kicking and Yankovic's moobies make me quiver!!!" - Brandy Serra from Back Online. Back on Duty.
Great Scott! Wait...
"Fox and Lloyd are unstoppable! I had to purchase tickets twice in one day, due to leaving early the first showing because I shit my pants at all the epicness" -Tromeric from Guts And Grog
Oh, Dr. Wily, you silly bastard.
"Better than it has any right to be! Michael J. Fox blinks every five seconds just like his 8-bit counterpart, and I fist pumped every time!" -Jude Felton from The Lair of Filth
Two Missions: rescue Gray Fox and destroy Metal Gear. Solid Snake is on it.
"Biehn proves once again that you don't have to have arms the size of tree trunks to own fucking faces." -Tromeric from Guts and Grog
Space Pirates have seized samples of dangerous floating organisms known as Metroids as a ploy to rid the galaxy of every living being that opposes them. The fate of the universe lies in the hands of one lone bounty hunter. Meet Samus Aran.
"Crampton is mesmerizing! And damn does she rock that outfit! TITTIES!" -Jesse Gable from Mr. Gable's Reality
A ninja, an archaeologist, and two hidden statues that could end the world if united. The shit is gonna hit the fan.
"If you see one action film this summer, make it Ninja Gaiden! Dudikoff aint fuckin' off, dude. What?" -Mitch Reaves from Tales From the Batcave
The story of one little man's fight to the top.
"Rocky who?! Little Mac is my new champion! Broderick K.O.s mother fuckers left and right!"-Jude Felton from The Lair of Filth
All he wants to do is hop on cubes and change colors 'n shit. Is that too much to ask?!
"You'll fall out of your seat begging for more!" - Frank Browning
This time, it's personal!
"I was worried, ya know? I mean, sequels are rarely able to bring the same magic of the first film. Well, I'm happy to say that Bill and Lance have proved me wrong! Super Contra is fucking triumphant!" - Bill Brock
Has to be seen to be believed!
"Tetris with BALLS!" -Freddie Young from Full Moon Reviews
An unlikely hero. A kidnapped princess. A kingdom engulfed in chaos.
"Best fantasy action movie ever made. Whenever I play The Legend of Zelda now, I no longer see an 8-bit character wreckin' shit; I see Eric Stoltz... wreckin' shit." - Brandy Serra from Back Online. Back on Duty
Coming to theaters in the 90s!
Bonuses!
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Eric King & Frank Browning
