Image by Frank Browning
It Came From Netflix
Instant
Highlander
By: Bill Brock
Occasionally, I like to
imagine what goes on in pitch meetings. I can see it now—
What if we made a movie
with explosions and shit but everyone uses swords? Badly. Like
everyone in it is a dude trying to cut off heads while avoiding
getting their heads cut off. But they are horrible at sword
fighting.
Why all the head cutting?
Well they are a bunch of
immortals who cut off each others' heads and try to win the Prize.
What prize?
They can either live
forever or gain all the knowledge ever and eventually die.
But you just said they are
immortal. Why fight for something they already have?
Um… Did I tell you that
everything in it is inspired by movies from the early 80s?
Like what?
We have Queen doing the
soundtrack work.
Will it be as great as
Flash Gordon’s soundtrack?
Noooo… More like lame
ballads. But the main guy -Conner Macleod- spends the present day
parts of the movie dressed like Kyle Reese and the bad guy feels
fairly similar to The Terminator. We are talking with Brian May
about a musical cue when the bad guy leaves the motel he is staying
in to sound like the one from The Terminator when the Terminator
leaves the motel he is staying in.
What about Rocky III and
The Karate Kid? Those were really popular.
There is a scene where
MacLeod and -Sean Connery—
Sean Connery? How’d you
get him?
He needed money for a
glorified cameo. But anyways, Connery is the Miyagi/Apollo Creed of
this movie. They do some shit on a small rowboat and run on the
beach. We’ve got Roxanne Hart as a forensic expert/sword historian.
Why?
Two words: Tits
That’s one word.
But she has two of them.
So we get a romance as
well?
No. He tells her he’s
an immortal and she just fucks him. Also, hahaha, you’re gonna
love this. We have a guy who loves guns who shoots up the bad guy
and the bad guy stabs him with his sword. Think of it like a “fuck
you, Rambo” moment. Gonna be sweet and hilarious.
Who’s directing?
Russell Mulcahey. He did
music videos. So at the end when MacLeod wins The Prize it will look
like he is being attacked by an A-ha! video.
This sounds like the
greatest idea ever. Why I bet this interesting concept will lead to
sequels, a cartoon and weekly show. There is no way that the movie
can fail to be great.
**It failed to be great.
I’m really hoping that the upcoming remake can overcome having Ryan
Reynolds in it and really do the concept the solid it needs.**
--
Bill Brock
