Well, dear readers, we are about to embark on a most excellent adventure! And it must begin with this:
Big Pig's "I Can't Break Away". Damn, what a jam! I hope it's not just me, but I sense a mega John Carpenter vibe in the opening synthy segment. Kinda reminiscent of Big Trouble in Little China's theme. Anyway... on with it!
Who the hell created the tagline for this poster?
Using "guys" instead of "dudes" is fucking criminal.
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Alex Winter, George Carlin
Writers: Chris Matheson, Ed Solomon
Director: Stephen Herek
*This write-up contains a most unprecedented amount of spoilers*
Story:
So, Bill S. Preston Esq. & Ted "Theodore" Logan are on the verge of flunking out of their high school history class. If Ted fails, his dad (a cop) will send him to a military academy in Alaska. This will be detrimental to ALL OF US. You see, Bill & Ted's band -Wyld Stallyns- will go on to be the most important musical group the world has ever known. Hell, not only will their jams end war and poverty, they will also align the planets and bring them into universal harmony. Allowing meaningful contact of all forms of life. From extraterrestrial beings to common household pets. And, it's excellent for dancing. The final history test is a doozy, given that they have failed every other aspect of the class. They must describe how historical figures would view San Dimas, California in present time. So, let's go over some of what they know (or what they think they know) to get an idea of their chances of passing:
- Napoleon was a short dead dude.
- Joan of Arc was Noah's wife.
- Caesar was a salad dressing dude.
- George Washington was the father of our country. He was born on president's day. You can make a mushroom out of his head. He had wooden teeth and chased Moby Dick. Wait, that's Captain Ahab, dude!
Shit is not looking too good.
To the rescue is Rufus! Sent by the leaders in 2688 back to San Dimas in 1988 via time traveling phone booth, it is Rufus' job to ensure that Bill & Ted stay on track and pass their history exam. After a quick crash course in the phone booth which fortuitously lands Napoleon Bonaparte back in present time San Dimas with them, Bill & Ted get an idea- Why not go back in time and snatch up some more historical figures for their history exam? Well. that idea sounds pretty damn EXCELLENT!
Random Thought:
Where was all the pot these dudes were smoking? I didn't think about this back in 1989 (I was 12), but I damn sure do now. Within the first five minutes of the movie it is quite easy to assume that Bill and Ted were blazing the best ganja that San Dimas had to offer! There's nary a reference to marijuana in the entire flick. At least, not one I have noticed. I guess it can be argued that the film has a PG rating. Well, so did Poltergeist, and the Freeling's had no problem with getting lit in the comfort of their bedroom. It could also be argued that Excellent Adventure was more or less marketed to youngsters. But there's even a reefer scene in Back to the Future. Either way, pot or no pot, it's still fun as shit. In the end, I would say that Excellent Adventure has a pretty positive message on life, so throwing in the big bad weed would be a huge NO NO. Whatever.
Paying respects to air guitaring:
Because, that shit never gets old!
Favorite Things:
Missy... I mean, Mom. The freaking definition of a hot 80s lady. Shut up, Ted!
Bill & Ted meet Bill & Ted. 69, dudes!
Socrates' reaction to Bill & Ted and 'Dust in the Wind'. Fucking epic.
Dude has some of the best facial expressions in the movie, too.
Seriously.
No, really. Look at that shit.
Bill & Ted replicating Luke VS. Darth.
Ziggy Piggy. Ziggy Piggy. Ziggy Piggy!
OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK OINK!
P.S.- the film writers cameo as the employees.
NaBOWLeon!
Historical figures helping with chores!
Waterloo! Seriously, how can you not like Napoleon in this flick!?
"What is a geek!?"
The mall scene. Damn near impossible to pick out a favorite moment. You got Genghis Khan wrecking a sporting goods store. Beethoven shredding on multiple keyboards. Billy the Kid firing his gun like he gives no fucks. But I gotta go with Joan of Arc doing aerobics. She's just so damn cute. Anyway, this whole scene rules.
You didn't really think this would be left out, did you?
The history report! For some reason, I get teary eyed when Ted translates that Socrates loves San Dimas. And at Lincoln's speech.
Top 3 favorite historical figures:
Truthfully, they are all really damn enjoyable, and it's not exactly easy to narrow this down.
Genghis Khan, played by Al Leong. Leong used to be all over the place. Big Trouble in Little China, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, I Come in Peace, and so on. Dude absolutely rules as Khan. He's just a fucking maniac. The destruction of the sporting goods store and watching him brush his hair with a toilet scrubber are a few of the many unforgettable moments in Excellent Adventure.
Napoleon, played by Terry Camilleri. I guess the lot of Camilleri's work is bit parts, such as 'Guy in Bathtub' in The Truman Show. He'll always be Napoleon to me. Not that I know, but his performance seems like a legit depiction of how someone from the past would react if they were just dumped into the present. Camilleri makes Napoleon the funniest of the historical group. He's just simply excellent.
Joan of Arc, played by Jane Wiedlin. Rhythm guitarist for The Go-Go's, and the singing telegram in Clue (BLAM!). She is hands down my favorite here. I was twelve years old and in love with her. And when I watch Excellent Adventure now, she still makes me swoon. You barely hear a word come out of her mouth, but dammit, she's just beyond adorable. Totally reminds me of 80s era Winona Ryder.
Jams:
Truth be told, I much prefer the soundtrack to Bogus Journey, but Excellent Adventure is not without some good jams. Extreme's "Play With Me", Vital Signs' "The Boys and the Girls are Doing it", Shark Island's "Father Time", Big Pig's "I Can't Break Away", and Robbi Robb's "In Time" are all great jams. I just like the more edgy (for lack of a better word) tunes in Bogus Journey. Stevie Salas does all the score guitar sounds, as well as the Rufus solo at the end of the film. If there ever was music powerful enough to end war, I would want the shit to sound like his epic, tranquil harmonizing solos. Straight gorgeous.
What the shit!?:
Bill's Dad. Seemed kinda cool 'n all, in an "out of it" type way. But damn, don't bang in your son's room. That's just fucked up.
Why the shit are you gonna call security on a dude for ripping it on some keyboards, drawing a crowd because he's so goddamn amazing?
Biggest asshole award goes to:
Ted's Dad. What a dick. Even when he's not spewing venom out in the form of dialog, he still constantly has that "Hi! I'm an asshole" face kickin'.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot:
It just wouldn't be right not mentioning the princesses, and how damn smokin' they were.
And Rufus. What a cool mother fucker. RIP Carlin.
Final Words:
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is still just that... EXCELLENT! Winter & Reeves were born to play Bill & Ted. I was fortunate enough to see this in the theater opening weekend with one of my first true best friends. He was a dude who absolutely shredded on guitar for his age, and he was hands down the reason I wanted to be a musician, myself. And I took it up, all because of him. And playing guitar is still one of my favorite things to do, even though the whole 'being in a rock band for the rest of my life' thing didn't pan out. My friend passed away a few years after me and my family moved to Florida. Maybe that has something to do with me holding Excellent Adventure pretty close to my heart. Either way, I love it to pieces, and recommend a re-visitation if it's been a while. Get something out of it. I did.
Be excellent to each other.
And...
Party on, Dudes!!!
~The End~
